Lexington, Kentucky — At a press conference held Thursday afternoon, University of Kentucky head football coach Mark Stoops announced that despite the team’s disappointing 5-7 record, the Wildcats will be going bowling this year after all.
“I know this team hasn’t lived up to our expectations this year,” said Stoops. “But we’re excited to announce that the Kentucky Wildcats are going bowling this December.”
According to Stoops, the players and coaches are “really pumped” to appear at the prestigious Good Times Bowl later this month. Good Times Bowl Committee Chairman Bob Jones expressed similar excitement to host the Wildcats.
“Yeah, it’s cool I guess,” said Bob Jones. “The Wildcats should give Good Times a real revenue boost. They reserved 16 lanes for two off-peak hours, and we expect they’ll spend a lot of money at the snack bar and arcade. ”
“Also, I’m just a shift manager,” added Bob Jones. “So please stop calling me ‘Chairman Jones.'”
Stoop’s announcement is a surprise to fans of the program, as NCAA rules restrict bowl eligibility to teams winning six or more games. With a record of 5-7, Kentucky would not have qualified for postseason play under NCAA rules. But a shortage of 6-win teams this season forced the NCAA to forgo the standard requirements of bowl eligibility.
“We know that in a typical year, we would not qualify for a bowl game,” said coach Stoops. “So we feel very fortunate that the Good Times Bowl Committee saw fit to invite us.”
Chairman Jones echoed those sentiments.
“We’re open to the public,” explained Jones. “So, I guess everyone is technically ‘invited’ to the Good Times Bowl during regular operating hours.”
The Good Times Bowl has hosted some exciting games over the years, including “several dudes who have rolled 300” according to Chairman Jones. But the Good Times Bowl may be best known for its exclusive athletic apparel contract.
“Every paying bowler gets free shoe rental,” noted Jones. “They just have to leave a driver’s license or one of their shoes with the front desk.”
“And socks are required,” said the chairman. “The health department is serious about that.”
But Coach Stoops emphasized that the team’s appearance in the prestigious Good Times Bowl will pay dividends to the team beyond only footwear swag. Stoops expects it will also boost recruiting efforts and team morale.
“Playing in the postseason is crucial to the program,” said Stoops. “The worst thing that can happen is to be sitting at home for the holidays, watching as all your rivals go bowling.”